Westchester Attorney Anthony Mangone, Merry Punchmas!

Yeah, we're punching folks on Christmas Day...

Sipping my coffee, I was watching News 12 this morning and saw the headline "Prominent Westchester attorney arrested for assault." Now, I know a few "prominent" attorneys in my area, and the one I was thinking of at the time was not the one involved in last night's incident (drat!). Nevertheless, the one who was going ape-shit on Christmas Eve, Anthony Mangone, is still a worthy study in human comedy.

Allegedly (we need to start off with that word, to avoid any hint of libel) Mangone got into it with another attorney Max DiFabio at a posh steakhouse in the Ritz-Carlton hotel in White Plains. Specifically, Mangone is said to have thrown DiFabio to the ground and head-butted him. But here's the funny part- both Mangone and DiFabio are Republican players in Westchester Country, which means they're small fish in a very small pond of irrelevant politics. What do you think they were fighting over? The ten votes they'd each get in an election? Or the last cannoli?

Mangone was associated with former State Senator Nicholas Spano, another Republican who represented the Yonkers/Greenburgh area. Mr. Spano was ousted a couple of elections ago for being the worst kind of typical politician- one who forgot that he worked for the people. I voted for Spano's opponent without even knowing her credentials.

And (allegedly) Mangone was too loyal a solider for Spano, as reported by our local newspaper:

In 2002 Mangone admitted that he opened sealed absentee ballots and wrote in the names of Spano and a GOP judicial candidate in a 2000 Green Party primary. He agreed to plead guilty to a misdemeanor, but a grand jury voted not to indict him and charges were never filed.

Let me get this straight, this guy outright ADMITTED to voter fraud, agreed to plea to a misdemeanor but the grand jury gave him a pass? And this guy is still licensed to practice law? He must rescue kittens from burning buildings or help old ladies pay for their medical bills. I mean, there is no other explanation for why he would get such preferential treatment, right? Yeah, I wonder if the Westchester District Attorney at the time had anything to do with it...

So, Mangone, you wanna-be tough guy- way to be on Christmas Eve. I find your overall character to be reprehensible. And no matter who you're friends with, your reputation is trash. Merry Punchmas, jerkface.

People Who Clean Snow Off Their Cars... In The Street.

Okay, so I like shoveling. Like that guy in "Mystery Men" I believe that God gave me a gift- I shovel well. So, I'm outside today, shoveling away and on my block I see that all too familiar sight that makes me want to punch the crap out of my neighbors--

Here's the rule, people: if you have a driveway and a brain, you do not roll your snow-covered car into the street and sweep snow off of it in the middle of the fucking road. Below is a picture of my actual neighbor breaking this rule:

It's a simple idea, yes? Do we need to go through the reasons for this rule? Okay, for the uninitiated (and by that I mean people from the Tropics), here we go:

1) KNOW YOUR PLACE: You have a driveway. Listen, the only people that love cleaning snow are snow removal companies. But for us regular working slobs, we have to take care of our own business. And if you're fortunate to have a driveway or a place other than a street to park your car, then you have a duty to clean it off right where it's parked. "But Adam, when I clean the snow off my car, it gets all over the place and I have to shovel it off the driveway!" Yeah, and you have to put your trash in a fucking trash bin, what's your point?

2) THE GOVERNMENT IS NOT HERE TO BAIL YOU OUT: I know what some of you crafty bastards are thinking- if I clean the snow off in the street the magical snowplow employed by my local municipality will whisk it away to Neverland. Yeah, I'm sure the plow is waiting on your street just to clean up your mess. Guess what happens when you toss the snow into the street- it stays there for a while. Plows cover a lot of streets, but it takes time for them to get to everywhere. And if the storm has ended, they're less likely to re-plow a clean street, you dig what I'm saying? And that leads to the next point...

3) PHYSICS: While a car is traveling on a relatively clean roadway, if it happens to suddenly come upon a snow/ice patch, it will lose traction and possibly cause an accident. I mean there is a reason we plow our streets, yes? To keep this very problem from occurring! So, why would you want to do something that's potentially dangerous to others? Because you're a miserable bastard that's too lazy to do things the right way? Wow, if that's your mentality, you should work for GM or AIG.

I know there are many people out there who don't have driveways. You all get a pass. But even then, when you clean your car off in the street, please be mindful to put that snow away from the road. It's common courtesy, it's common sense, it's just the right thing to do. But to the rest of you, you really need to be punched.

UPDATE: And at least in Boston, this sort of behavior is ILLEGAL.

Iraqi "Journalist" Muntather Zaidi (a.k.a. "That Other Shoe Bomber")

Over the weekend President George W. Bush made a "valedictory lap" to Iraq to sign a piece of paper to maintain troop commitments in Iraq for the next few years. Personally, I believe the Iraqi Government has taken advantage of the U.S. in recent years, and this latest "agreement" is no exception. And I, like many Americans, believe that President Bush failed his duty by misstating the case for a war that was unnecessary-- and by approving a war plan that had nothing in it, save for "BOMBS!" scribbled repeatedly in crayons.

But here's the thing- while I disapprove of Bush, I am truly offended by this jerk-face "journalist" Muntather Zaidi, who saw it fit to take off his loafers and chuck them at the President. Did I laugh at the video when it first played? Yes, it was an insane moment. But then I got to thinking about it, and I put this episode into a greater context which includes the following: over 4,200 military deaths, over 30,000 wounded and over $600 billion spent by U.S. taxpayers. Despite our misgivings towards this war, the U.S. has not abandoned Iraq. And as of now, Iraq is its most secure since the beginning of the war in 2003.

Don't get me wrong, I do not expect Iraqis to be universally appreciative of us invading their country and upending their world. War adds up to death on all sides. And the Iraqi people have suffered as a result. But this so-called courageous shoe-thrower is without any valor or purpose. It's an act of irrational emotion. It's also an insult to this country, which has continually involved itself in this backwards part of the world. The very reason why this war has been so protracted is that a significant portion of Iraqis are not civilized. Sorry, it sounds bigoted of me to say it, but I'm giving you my honest assessment. This is a country that submitted itself to the rule of a dictator for decades. This is a country where people are willing to blow each other up on a daily basis (they have killed far more of their own people than they have U.S. troops). And while this shoe man may not be an insurgent by association, he exhibits the same lack of enlightenment that we have had to combat for the past several years. And people in Iraq have now embraced this prankster as a hero, taking to the streets and holding up their shoes, like a scene out of "Wag the Dog."


I'm sure there is a large portion of Iraqis that are well-tempered and rational. But it seems odd to me that this somewhat professional person is not roundly shunned by his own media and society. No matter your political leanings, if this childish act of cowardice happened here it wouldn't be praised by any emotionally-balanced individual. Could you imagine Tom Brokaw throwing a shoe at the President on Meet The Press? Brokaw would be out on his ass immediately (and rightly so). So, why should it be any different for a member of the Iraqi press? Do we give him a pass because he's an Iraqi? Do we hold him to a lower standard than we do our own journalists? To do so would be a real form of bigotry in my mind.

Muntather Zaidi is another "Don't Tase Me, Bro!" idiot, but his behavior is far worse. He reflects something that I personally find disturbing- a backwardness that cripples Iraq. Where was this "hero" when Saddam Hussein was killing millions of his own countrymen for decades? Or should I ask, where were his shoes? I hope that Zaidi got punched by those who subdued him in that press briefing. He deserved each and every shot dealt to him, and then some.

P.S. You're doin' a heck of a job, Secret Service. Are any of you agents named "Brownie" by chance?

"Lord of the Rings" Fanboys (a.k.a. "Ringheads")

The name of the blog explains itself, so let's get to it:


"The Lord of the Rings" (LOTR), as most of you know, is a fantasy book series that features your usual mix of dragons, wizards, elves, midgets, liars and government officials (see reputed crime-boss Governor Rod Blagojevich, a.k.a. Samwise Gamgee). It's sold probably 500 million copies in total. Like Scientology, people swear by its teachings and value system. At some point, kids of a certain age decide to surrender one of their adolescent summers reading these endless tomes of nonsense, swearing by its genius when they are finished. Yeah, and I swore that law school was a gall-stone worth passing when I was done a few years back.

So, straighten up your backs, you LOTR fanboys ("Ringheads"). I'm gonna punch ya- and here's why:

When the first LOTR movie came out a few years ago, I tagged along with a couple of old friends to see what this fuss was all about. I had no prejudice going in, except my usual dislike of anything deemed popular. I thought "Why not?" and gave up my evening to this movie, based on my friend's enthusiastic cajoling. The movie starts and all time and space cease to function normally. A series of slo-mo shots of outcasts from a Renaissance Fair flowed across the screen, gluing the Universe to a halt for me. What the Hell, Peter Jackson? Do you really need to telegraph what emotions I should be feeling at every single turn? And the furrowed brows, the concern over some piece of jewelry, and a lot of hugging and crying made me want to charge the projector's booth and kick the reel off the machine. And then something beautiful happened--

The theater's house lights came on. The movie was still running, but you know how they play music before a movie starts? Well, Britney Spears' "I'm a Slave For You" was blasting while the "Fellowship Sleepover" scene played (where they all jump in Frodo's bed and hug and shit). It was like God reached down and bitch-slapped each and every "Ringhead" in the theater. People were livid. Damn, was I happy. After about two minutes of chaos, the theater got their systems under control and they continued with the show. And I honestly didn't care what happened after that point.

But then I got pissed off again by the film's end. See, there's a scene where Gandalf (the wise!) dies. This set off some 35 year-old dude with a ponytail into a crying fit. Holy shit, dude! I take it you read the books (multiple times). You do know that Gandalf comes back (SPOILERS) in the next episode, right? Real people are dying all over the world. And they ain't coming back, asshole. Is this crying really that necessary? What a jerkoff.

And for some reason, I kept coming back, hoping my dislike for LOTR was a temporary insanity thing. I went to see "The Two Towers" and "Return of the King" and both times I got more annoyed. How many endings did that last movie have? 18? And dear Lord, does Elijah Wood need to be smacked in the face. Dude, run up the big hill, take the ring off your necklace and throw it in the damn lava. There's no red wire/green wire conundrum here, buddy. Just toss the evil shit into the volcano and you're good to go. But no... we had 60 minutes of two midgets on a mountain trying to stand up straight. And yes, they were crying-- as were the Ringheads in the theater.

If you love these movies/books, I am sorry but your taste sucks. You probably own the "Titanic" Soundtrack too. Yeah, you do, don't ya!